When parents split,
Children must make choices.
I did.
No matter where I went,
I had a backup.
If one parent didn’t work out,
I could leave,
Go elsewhere,
Be with someone else.

Dating was the same way.
I’d develop relationships,
Love,
Passion,
But always kept another
In my back pocket,
As a backup.

Marriage should have changed that.
It did
For awhile.
But when I felt unloved,
When there was stress
Or anger
Or loneliness,
I looked for
A backup
Or two,
Or three.

But, unlike with my parents,
I lost everything.

Now I stand alone,
Again,
Seeking love,
Affirmation,
Passion,
Companionship.

But the old fears,
Habits,
Mistakes
Creep in.
I seek backups,
So when she bails,
Denies,
Hurts me,
Shuts down,
Another will be there,
Coming off the bench,
Substituting,
Filling needs
That were never there.

For true love
Needs no backup,
No substitute,
No replacement.

True love just needs
Trust,
Belief
And acceptance.

Knowing that,
Learning that,
Understanding that,
Accepting that
Is my first step.