I write. A lot. I was trying to write a long poem to read as a toast to my oldest son and his new bride (aka my newest daughter!). Nothing came to mind. Finally, I realized this:
No poetry can/
express how I feel gaining/
a daughter like you.
Or (because I realized to applied to each of my children):
No poetry can express
the joy felt having children
such as you all are.
When we’re stressed out we/
stress out people we are with./
Can’t we all chill out?
The emptiness that/
fills my ears is only matched /
by my heart’s black hole.
I know I’m depressed./
My keyboard’s blank and so is/
my dictionary.
Please be gentle and/
kind with me this morning. I’m /
in the throes of pain.
Only a parent/
can know the hurt of failing/
when trying to help.
OR
Only parents get/
the pain of failing when they/
try to help their kids.
Why do I expect/
others to help? She is my/
girl. I can take charge.
Who can I blame if/
she goes away? Nobody/
but myself, for sure.
I understand that you have a full-time job.
I understand that there are 20 pages of paperwork
that have to be filled out.
I understand that the person who has to finally review that paperwork
here in this state won’t be home for two or three days from vacation.
I understand that when the application does get reviewed
it will get need to go to other reviews somewhere else.
I understand that you have other people to talk to
about things that are important to them.
I understand that you have other things to worry about.
But while you’re working
and talking to other people
and your boss is vacationing
and other people are waiting to review the paperwork
that seems to drag on and on and on,
my daughter is dying.
I understand there seems to be nothing I can do
to make you hurry up.
So please understand excuse me if I get a little upset.
Because I don’t understand how vacations,
and work,
and paperwork,
and talking to other people
can get in the way
of saving my daughter’s life.
I’m dancing with death./
Or rather, she is, and I’m /
trying to cut in.
———————–
Here is a letter we’re sending out to friends and family; Please forward this as you see fit.
Thank you!
Dear Family and friends,
Our daughter, Camilla, is very ill with an eating disorder.Her doctor says she requires residential treatment and wants her to be placed as soon as possible, because her heart is failing.We are trying to get the financing together, but it is apparent that we, her parents, cannot pay for this care on our own. Treatment at Avalon Hills, where we plan to place her,is $1600.00 per day.Because Camilla has no insurance they have reduced the cost to $995.00 per day.Her estimated length of stay is 4 to 6 months. We are applying for help through grants, scholarships and other programs. Camilla’s bishop is helping us with the process of getting help from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
We have received some contributions from friends and family.The bishop has asked that we offer our extended family members and friends the opportunity to help us in this as well. The treatment center, Avalon Hills, is located in Cache Valley, Utah.Contributions may be made directly to the Center and sent to the following address:
Avalon Hills
Attn: Financial Office
P.O. Box 3412
Logan, UT 84323
Toll-free: (800) 330-0490
(Please note that it is for Camilla Kuhns).
FYI, if Camilla does not go into treatment there, they will give us the money back and we will apply it to where she is being treated.
OR:
You may also make contributions through Camilla’s blog / PayPal account, at MillatheNightBaker.blogspot.com
We have been so humbled by the outpouring of care not only in monetary terms, but also in love, fasting and prayers.
Thank you so much for the contribution you make in whatever form it may be.
Love to all,
Ilene Fluckiger Kuhns
DavidG. Kuhns
PS: For updates and more information, please visit Camilla’s blog at MillatheNightBaker.blogspot.com