Yearning For A Downtown Small Cafe

I hear.
I feel.
I see.
I’ve gone quiet.

Ah, Marianne!
Ah, Trish!
Muses of the bench!
What moments I had
with you
(and Paul, and all)
in that small cafe.

Not for the discounted
pastries (past 9 p.m.)
came I,
but for the fuel
that filled me
from words tumbling
and singing
and screaming
from hearts
and souls
and minds.

How many
napkins
ripped I apart,
furiously scratching
short verse
that vented my brain.

Now?
Now,
so far from that place
I can’t even remember
its name;
So removed
from the Enliten’d
creative muse
that once
lit my flame;
I struggle
to have a voice,
to say what I must,
what I should.

My woods,
rocks,
rills,
temple’d hills
sing loud
and sweetly to me,
as wrens call
each morning
and wind and owls and coyotes and I
howl
each evening.
And I can capture that all,
that peace.
There is no torment,
no pain,
as there was so often
there.

Yet, here,
there is something still
missing,
a driving force
that came from knowing
each week,
on one night,
I needed to stand up
on wood-plank’d floors,
to raise my voice
toward a black and silver orb,
to lift my hands,
to clear my mind,
to speak for myself.

Looking Back Lamentation

Today
I dusted off my writings,
walked through decades
of thought,
broken hearts,
emotions plus and minus.

Today
I gathered observations,
some of my best wonderings
from wanderings.

Bemused,
I smiled and grimaced
at both the genius
and the foolish silliness
that my fingers
had pounded or caressed
out of a dozen keyboards.

Mostly,
I question
not what I wrote,
nor that I wrote,
but what happened?
Why have I —
my fingers,
my mind,
my soul,
my heart —
gone
cold and silent?

This question perplexes me,
yet does not need to be answered.
The why
is not as important
as the turning from it,
the change,
the regeneration
of the creative flame.
The moving on.

The how?
I’m doing it now.

Her Keyboard Versus Mine: Free Verse

How I wish my fingers
in the evening flowed
like the creek,
like wind through the trees,
like a late summer’s gentle rain,
like the deepening orange-red sunset,
like the darkening eastern sky,
like her fingers dancing
across the 88 black-and-white keys,
like the music she creates
swirling and ebbing and dancing
out her door,
across the porch,
through the grass and leaves.

Instead, my fingers
bang bang clickety-clackety
across black keys
with white symbols,
creating not beautiful sounds
but only words
I hope will ebb and flow
and move.

If they are read.

Otherwise, that obnoxious
clickety-clackety noise
is the only sound
the peaceful evening will get
from my flying fingertips.

#NotaContest

Upon Thinking On A Deep Funk: Revolutionary Email Free Verse Lament

Her creativity,
this evening’s music muse,
wafts like a late autumn breeze
out her door,
down the hallway,
to my ears.
Peace.

My oldest creation,
son,
and his creation,
my granddaughter,
gaze,
smiling,
from my screensaver.
Joy.

Yet I,
creative meistro
sitting on a hickory’d hill,
fall’s colored leaves
glowing in the sunset;
bright moon and stars
gleaming in the dark
rural’d night,
haven’t written
for daze.
Weeks.
Blank.

Work,
government linguistics,
leaky doors,
amityville horror phermone’d bugs,
busted lights,
stalled furnaces,
all beyond the grasp
of my repair.
Guilt.

Gardens unharvested;
tall fall grasses
in the front yard
unburned,
failed wildflower experiments
where there once was so much
promise.
Melancholy.

All around me,
there is paper
and hundreds of shades
of different hues,
muse,
notes,
thousands of words
i could use.
Yet none come.
Funk.

What to do.
What to do?
Do.
Perhaps
creativity
will drop
like dew
when I do.
And I’ll rinse my face
and cleanse my soul
and refresh my heart
and free my mind.

It’s worth a try.