Do You Recall? Romantic Holiday Song Parody Lament

(Sung to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer”)

Well I’ve known brunettes
and redheads, accountants and funny ones.
Short ones and tall ones
and ones with hair bleached by the sun.

But do I recall
the greatest lover of all?

Not yet.

Tennis Shoes Ice Skating: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

Cracks in the ice don’t/
scare you if you know what you’re/
doing in winter.

The pie’s prettier/
uncut, but it doesn’t taste/
nearly as yummy.

If I’m packing to/
fly to Wisconsin, does that/
make me a Packer?

I watched Santa go into/
a gas station Christmas Eve.
I wanted to say hello,/
because I know him!

Just then,
a police car
pulled up.
I turned off my radio,
went to the policeman,
shook his hand,
and told him “Thank you.”

“You’ve had a tough few weeks,
with the protests,
the assassinations in New York City,
the hate against the police.”

Choking back tears,
I said:
“I want you to know:
You are supported.
We stand with you.
You are not alone.
Merry Christmas.”

“It has been tough”
the tough cop said.
“We’ve been taking
quite a beating.
We appreciate your support.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas!”

I never saw Santa,
but as I waved to the cop
and drove away,
I knew I’d made
the right choice.

There’s so much we fret/
about as young parents. Then/
we learn what matters.

Hearing her cry at/
the end turned it into a/
horrific event.

Dan! I live in my/
old lover’s state now, and it’s/
snowing Christmas Eve.

The thumbnail moon was/
giving me a big thumbs down/
sign but … It’s Christmas!

If I remind folks/
of The Sandlot’s “Squints”, where’s my/
Wendy Peffercorn?