Some time ago, a friend and I had a playful banter — through texting — about “You won’t like me when … “. I thought our back-and-forth not only helped us to get to know one another but, more importantly, showed the misperceptions versus the realities we each face.

18th. 8:16 a.m.
U may not like that I may want to write u poetry or text or call throughout the day just to tell u how WOW I think u are.
10:24 a.m. You won’t like me because I work a lot! And am deeply passionate about my work. It will get on your nerves eventually.

10:26 a.m. You won’t like me because I get involved! And am deeply passionate abt what and who I care about. It will get on your nerves eventually.

10:26 a.m.: You won’t like me someday because I will be fickle or change my mind and do things spontaneously.
10:28 a.m. You won’t like me someday because I will change my mind and choices and do things spontaneously.

10:27 a.m.: You won’t like me because I will be involved and you will feel neglected.
10:28 a.m.: You won’t like me because I will be involved and you will tire of me being involved and interesting in what you’re interested and involved in.
10:29 a.m.: Are you saying that or just reworking and reflecting what I say in other words?
We are alike.

10:28 a.m.: you won’t like me because things come up/pop up and U will feel ignored in my firefighting lifestyle.
10:32 a.m. : You won’t like me because things come up/pop up and u will tire of me helping to hold the hose in your firefighting lifestyle.

10:31: you won’t like me when I am later than I said I would be and you are waiting for me.
10:33 a.m.: You won’t like me when I am later than I said I would be and you are waiting for me. Even if I’m sorry.

10:34 a.m. You won’t like me when I am hurt because I will lash out and am vocal. You won’t like me even if we are having a passionate discussion and I raise my voice and you will accuse me of yelling at you.
10:36 a.m. : You won’t like me when I ask if you are yelling at me.
10:38 a.m.: You won’t like me if I am hurt because I may lash out and be vocal. You won’t like me even if we are having a passionate discussion and I raise my voice.

10:36 a.m.: You won’t like me when I am cocky and social. It will make you hate being out with me.
10:40 a.m.: You won’t like me when I am outgoing. Being the ENFP I am. Feeding the social beast. Talking to everyone. It will make you hate being out with me.

10:40 a.m.: You won’t like me because instead of asking me if I am yelling at you, you will tell me not to yell at you at some point. I won’t be yelling I am just excited, frustrated, or adamant about something and emotions make it more poignant.

10:42 a.m.: You won’t like me when I subject jump when you want to explore a topic or idea and I am done with it or have a distraction or fire that needs to be put out at that moment. You will take it personally.

10:42: You won’t like me because you will tell me not to yell at you at some point. I won’t be yelling I am just excited, and I talk loudly!

10:40:45 a.m.: You won’t like it that I talk in my sleep.
10:43 a.m.: You won’t like that I talk in my sleep and moan and snore.

10:41 a.m.: You won’t like me when I go into my “cave” and don’t let you in.
10:44 a.m.: You won’t like me when you go into your “cave” and I wait patiently until you let me in… or you come out.

10:42 a.m. You won’t like me when I subject jump when you want to explore a topic or idea and I am done with it or have a distraction or fire that needs to be put out at that moment. You will take it personally.
10:47 a.m.: You won’t like that I will feel like cooking for you and helping or doing domestic things when you are tired.

10:44 a.m. You won’t like me when I avoid crowds or malls.
10:45 a.m. You won’t like me when I avoid crowds or malls. Or shopping.

10:46 a.m.You won’t like me when I ask you if I look alright or good then you tell me but I change my outfit three more times. Even though you are trying to match or coordinate your tie to my outfit.
10:49 a.m.: You won’t like it when I ask you for fashion advice. Or when fashion doesn’t matter because I am in the garden.
10:54 a.m.: You won’t like me when you ask if you look alright or good and I just ogle you and then ask “Hey, can I stare?” while you change outfits three more times.

12:12 p.m. You won’t like me when the moon is full and I am moody!
12:14 p.m.: You won’t like me when the moon is full and I am moody! Or when I howl at it and dance to it with you.

12:15 p.m. You say that now but you won’t like it when it makes me want to go to bed at 6:30 in the evening and pull the covers over my head and ur wanting to go to the movies
12:17 p.m.: You won’t like me when I’m in bed at 12:20 p.m. on a sunny day.

12:20 pm: You won’t like me when you coordinate my tie to your outfit and I later use it to tie you to the bedpost.

12:17 p.m.
You won’t like me when I should’ve stopped at the bacon maple bar from Frost and my stomach hurts from the salted carmel cake donut I sate sent me to the couch with stomach aches!

12:23 p.m. hahahaha tie me to the bedpost? Kinky!
12:24 p.m.: You won’t like me when I go from romantic and tender to tie-me-to-the-bedpost Kinky!

12:25 p.m. U won’t like me when I go from amorous to cave because my feelings were hurt or I mis-interpreted something.
12:30 p.m. : I’ll keep the flame like outside the cave with stuff for s’mores.
12:34 p.m.: You won’t like me when I take half da donut to protect you 

12:34 p.m. Yes I won’t like it!
12:39 pm.: One out of 30 ain’t bad!
12:55 p.m.: You won’t like me/
When I repeat constantly:/
“It’s plain to see/
That I’ll like you/
And you’ll like me!”
1:44 p.m. You won’t like me because I have been known to get pissy and I walk loudly when angry and softly when not.
9:41 p.m.: U won’t like me when I am hurting or sick because my body will scream 4u to touch me, caress me, whisper 2 me, hold me, maybe even more, even if I’m delusional.

19th: 5:24 p.m.: You won’t like me when you go into your “Cave” and I wait patiently until you let me in. Remember?
20th: 8:43 p.m.: You won’t like me because I dress funny.
You will like me because I know there is great sex over 40 with curry sauce!
9:01 p.m.: Sexy is an attitude. Match your wardrobe to your feelings!
8:52 p.m.: You won’t like me because I don’t have the guts to ask the hard questions.
9:01 p.m. Hard questions like-may I see your calendar?

9:02 p.m. Yes U can see my calendar.

How ru gonna make great love over 40 if your cruise control is set to 35?
My cruise control doesn’t work at 35. Only on 65 or higher.
When do U get 2 play 4U?
9:03 pm: I get to play for me when my fires are put out. Wonder why I (verb)? (verb)? It’s a temporary thrill to suffice ‘til I can truly satisfy myself!

Stuff like that.
9:05 pm: Stuff like that is not hard questions to answer. Just hard to schedule with my complicated life. I warned you! I know I did! U ignored me and my warnings! Tsk.

24th, 11:03 a.m.: You won’t like me because I don’t have the guts to say the hard things I need to say to you without you thinking I’m needy, whiny or controlling.
11:07 a.m.: You won’t like me when you go into your “Cave” and I wait patiently until you let me in… But still knock on occasion.

11:06 a.m.: How are you? You won’t like me ‘cause I’m tired and beat! You won’t like me cause I want to cancel our meeting.
11:13 a.m.: U won’t like me because I knew that already. U won’t like me because I had 3.5 hours of sushi and the shad and squid guts were bad. U won’t like my counteroffer.
11:32 a.m. : 4 to 6ish total drive, My tour, and eat time. You asked when. You get me at 4. You drop me off at 6. Chocolate and I have you between. That’s my counteroffer.
11:40 a.m.: Ugh. I don’t even want chocolate. I don’t even want wine. I don’t even want drive time. I am not wanting of anything at all. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!

11:48 a.m.: Only U know what U need. I can only offer Chocolate. Thai. Sushi. Whatever U want. Even just talking face 2 face. I of course think I’m a blessing 4U.

11:49 a.m. : Thanks. What I want I can’t afford right now. Tahiti or a hot tub on my deck. Soon I will have those … both!

11:52 a.m.: I’m offering a soaking trip to paradise. You just have never been. That’s why you need a tour guide 
12:16 p.m.: MayB U don’t get that I get U. I get that U don’t get that my getting U means I don’t always get U. It also means U mite need 2 get me when U don’t want 2. Get it?
12:21 p.m.: Not Tahiti! But tasting and laughing and enjoying can be paradise. Especially with me 😉 And I can drive your rig if you want me to.
1:02 p.m.: U won’t like me cuz I suck at boundaries and at hearing “no” but I’m trying to learn. Sorry.

28th: 3:17 a.m.: U won’t like me when I, 4 the umpteenth time, fall asleep waiting in vain 4 yer promised call, only 2 awaken in a midnight hour empty, keyboard imbedded in my cheek, knowing the lidded or upside-down jar of yer life has room for Sand-I-Am, but no matter how much I pour, I still dump 2 the floor, alone.
4:02 a.m.: A Haiku for you:
Life’s jar, full of rocks/
has room for sand and water/
if it’s not covered.
–Break a leg today!
9:32 a.m.: You won’t like me when I ask if it’s too much if you just let me know if you can’t make an appointment, especially 12 minutes after you set it. Have a great day!
31st: 7:48 a.m.: You won’t like me when/
I compliment U again;/
Call U Wonder Woman,/
Think Ur pretty./
Pity/
U were treated so shitty/
That a compliment/
Gets bent/
2 become/
A poke fun.

1st: 6:16 p.m.: You won’t like me when I spend 1.5 hours writing a moving prose piece in my blog and when I save it, with my heart on my sleeve, it vanishes.

Later: 1:40 a.m. You won’t like me when I finally publish our dialogue because I think it’s unique, interesting, and it shows how two people can have different views of the same thing.

2:04 am: You wont like me when/
I cave my feelings again./
When I hide/what’s inside./
I should never reveal/
what I feel./
Because every time I do/
I end up being screwed.

8th, 6:21 a.m. You won’t like me when I become so addicted to pillow talk that I feel sad and bummed and like I’ve missed something vital when we don’t have it.

25th, a month later, 7:42 a.m.: You won’t like me when we have deep and fun discussions all day and I look 4ward 2 tucking u in at nite and I don’t hear from u so I am disappointed and confused.

18th, a month later, 11:54 pm:
U wont like me/
as i persist/
in giving u a tender kiss;/
in leading u 2 kiss bliss./
U think it’s silly. Trite. Dumb./
But then U shout:/
Where’d THAT come from!?!

Another one, written May 31, at this link
You wont like me when/
you misunderstand/
what I intend to say./
You’ll just go away.
You won’t be my friend.

One final one July 9th
You won’t like me when your child goes missing late at night and I offer to help, and you say “okay, yes, please”, and drive around for nearly an hour fearing the worst because I’m a dad who has raised two daughters and know how scary that can be, and when I drive through your neighborhood and I notice your car is not in the driveway where it usually is when you’re home, so I figure you’re still out looking, and I call you once and text you twice to tell you where I’ve been and there is no update from you. Then, at last, scared, exhausted at 11 p.m., after texting you 15 minutes earlier and waiting in front of your house, I decide to look in your backyard on the off chance that she might be there, and not only is SHE there, but so are you … and have been for some time. You won’t like me when I email you and apologize for crossing that boundary but also chastise you for not thinking enough of me to at least let me know to call off my search and go home and go to bed so I can get up in 4.5 hours for a 14 hour exhausting workshop during the next 4 days. You won’t like me so much that you’ll cut off all contact with me, despite the fact that I’ve always tried to be there for you. You didn’t like me then, and you won’t like me when I call you on it and say a true friend would never treat another friend this way, and that although I know you don’t care, it still helps me to say it.